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The wisdom and observations from CharlotteRPG's resident feline, Oliver.
Since he doesnt get to role-play much, Oliver now has a page all his own. Here, he will share his wisdom and experience
with fellow CharloteRPG members and you, the reader.
April 06th, 2008
Diet: Only humans diet. Something as wonderful as a condition that lets's
you sleep more and avoid exercise and they condemn it. Stupid humans. No wonder theeir show is called, "The Biggest
Loser." Losing weight does make you a loser in the eye's of cats, and let's face it; our opinion is the only one that matters.
As long as you aren't so big that your fat ass can't get off the sofa to refill our food dish, you're just fine.
July 07th, 2007
Fashion: Shoes, coats, shirts, pants, socks, hose, skirts, earings, hats,
etc. Boy, humans are never satisfied with their own appearances. Cats have one coat, that's it. And we look
so good in it we keep it for life. Perhaps it is our appreciation for our own good looks that we're able to lick our
own genitals. Humans must seek approval from others to get that response. Silly humans.
January 31st, 2007
Life: Life is like a box of chocolates. You curl up on it and take
a nap. Then later, when your humans open it, the chocolates are all crushed and melted from the body heat. Ha-ha
silly humans.
August 22nd 2006
Ninjas: They got nothing on me when it comes to stealth and striking from
nowhere. don't believe me? Check out my female human's ankles. Hide, strike, and vanish!
February 12th 2006
Dogs: What can I say about dogs? @*$(#)@#$! - mutts.
January 18th 2006
Petting: What is this obsessive behavior in humans to want to always stroke
us, pet us, rub us? Isn't it obvious? It's human nature to want to reach out and touch something greater than
themselves.
November 06th 2005
Religion: Religion is the dogmatic laws and practices humans do in the
belief that there is a higher power than themselves. Obviously, cats are, by our very nature, athiests.
October 21st 2005
Evolution: Humans talk a great deal about their evolutionary superiority, just because
they have opposable thumbs. Having thumbs means they can do things with their hands. Doing things means they can
build, hold, grab, and manipulate objects. In short, opposable thumbs means humans can work. Cat's don't work.
Whatever we need humans provide:Food, water, shelter, a fresh liter box, and a warm lap. Yup, humans toil away at their
meaningless jobs, using their opposable thumbs to do whatever it is they do, while we lay about, stretch, and scratch up their
furniture. Now I ask you, who is the more evolved?
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October 16th 2005
Sleep. While it isn't the answer to everything, it does allow you to avoid the question.
Selfishness. One cannot care for the world entire. To care for one individual is all anyone can be
asked. caring for yourself insures someone is caring for you.
Who's in charge. I go to the bathroom in a box. The humans clean it, then feed me, then I sleep on
top of them. truely, if you were an alien species observing the Earth, who would you think is the dominant species?
Wisdom. Wisdom doesn't come from learning, it comes from observing. Read my book: Staring Out
The Window For Dummies.
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